Improving our youth

 

I read a post the other day, which referred to a program to teach grade school children transcendental meditation.

First, a comment on that. Children, most children, know how to transcendentally meditate. That's just the magical way the human mind works. Living in a temporal world hammers the transcendental perception into something more along the lines of objective reality.

Here's my suggestion for preparing our youth for the challenges of life: once a week, on Wednesday afternoon right after lunch, beginning the first week in November in third grade and continuing until graduation from eighth grade:

We could call this The Circle of Life. Between the teacher's desk and the students' desks, a 12" circle is drawn on the floor. We could come up with a really cool chant for the teacher to lead the kids in as the circle's drawn. Human critters so much love their belief in magical things.

Each student is given a poker chip, where upon he or she will write his or her name. Again, some cool chant.

 

Magic poker chip, magic poker chip,

I scribe my name, so I can flip and dip,

for good or ill, blessed or cursed,

by the cold, harsh universe.

 

I'm not a chant writer, but you get the idea.

The teacher gathers the chips, yep, a chant, and tosses them in the air. In the unlikely event no chip lands in the circle, the teacher gathers the chips and tosses them again. With the toss successful, with chips in the circle, the teacher chooses one without looking. The other chips, which landed in the circle, the teacher reads the names, proclaiming they narrowly avoided the fate of the universe.

The teacher reads the name on the chip she chose and then flips it in the air. If the chip lands name-side down, the teacher and kids cheer, celebrating the chosen child as the best thing since Ziplock sandwich bags, cookies and milk around, the school day is pronounced over, and the kids can then go home and play, celebrating their great fortune.

If the chip lands name-side up, the students beat the piss out of the kid, then continue with the school day.

That should prepare children for life and the reality of the universe.